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Köszönöm Balázs Zsuzsanna!

One who would like to understand everything takes it upon him/herself to search for underlying reasons (why?), and is therefore most likely to delve deeper into the problem. Do think it over! Maybe the reason is something you cannot change, in which case you cannot get rid of the problem. The only thing you can do is to escape into an illusionary world and believe in something that is simply not possible.

Let's take the most timely and most pressing question these days, the influx of refugees into Europe.

(Rule of the game: No politics! Only attitudes are put under a magnifying glass.)

This mass of exhausted, desperate people indeed causes a problem. If one continuously questions whether they have the right to come here, or if their life was indeed in danger, or what do they want if they are 'only' economic migrants etc. is sustaining an illusion. One protects oneself deep in one's soul from the situation by believing that this process is reversible.

Let's face reality now: if TODAY they are stopped from coming into Europe, if SUDDENLY peace arrives in their region, in their country of origin, many of them would decide not to return.

That is, in Europe something has surely changed. The world's feeling of security will never be the same as before these masses of people started their journey to Europe. This is what we have to become accustomed to. This is what we have to find a solution to. This is what makes up the framework of our life that we have to deal with.

I understand it is difficult to look at it this way. I also understand that by living an illusion one gains time in the process of accepting the problem. Because until we ponder the causes, we can continue to believe that the problem is not a physical one.

As a family constellation facilitator I direct my clients towards a solution to any problem and to taking responsibility for it. Instead of chasing after the reasons why, I ask them: what do you want to achieve?

It is not always a popular point of view. Most Hungarian family constellation facilitators go against this by attempting to meet clients' needs by discovering the causes. 'At last I have realized that it was difficult for my father, for my mother or for all of my ancestors. Finally I see where my parents have made mistakes.'

This way we only fix the problem

What made family constellation popular forty years ago in Germany was the fact that it helped those active generations of that time to move on while coming to terms with the past. It gave answers to the following questions: Can I still love my father/grandfather despite his actions? Do I have to atone for all that my forefathers believed in? How can I belong to a nation of which certain members had committed monstrous sins?  Since then forty years have passed.

We no longer ask these questions, the challenges are totally different today. The replies given by the family constellation method have changed a lot as well. Today we use this technique for recognizing those limitations inside which we can move around: I live here; I live in this age; this is how society is around me; I come from this family; these are my capabilities; those are my wishes and so on. We consider in turn the past, and no matter how it may be, we consider it as a resource. Solutions are born and formulated exactly from that.  We take note of the static nature of the past, we make decisions in the present and then with adequate strategies we shape the future.

Who hides from the real limitations of one's life, looks at the word through the eyes of a child escaping into a dream world.

Who is willing to assess the reality and acts according to the possibilities provided by the limitations is an adult.

Gets a chance to survive.